“Ladies and gentleman, could I have your attention
please”…This is not a phrase that you want to hear just as you are about to
board an International flight.
These words sent chills down my spine as I waited to board
KLM 591 to Amsterdam. From where I would be heading off to Dublin.
“There is a technical problem and will not be boarding as
scheduled. At this time we do not have a departure time, but we will keep you
informed”..
This is the airline equivalent of the TV, “Please be
patient, we have a problem. Normal service will be resumed as soon as
possible”.
And what was the problem? The plane had been struck by
lightning on the inbound leg and the engineers wanted to check all the systems
before the plane could be cleared for take-off.
(As the pilot said just before take-off; “The plane passed
the inspection with flying colours.”
It was bad enough that the flight was scheduled to leave at
23h15, and that this delay would take us into the early hours of the morning
when people get grumpy from lack of sleep.
I have to say that the ground crew did try to keep us up to
date, but as the minutes turned into hours, passengers did start getting a tad
tetchy.
And for good reason, many had connecting flight to other
destinations from Amsterdam and were concerned about those as well as what
would happen to our luggage. Even with tensions rising, there were no raised
voices and the staff were able to smile, albeit not convincingly.
Eventually, meal vouchers were dispensed, but you were not
allowed to buy alcohol and were limited to soft drinks and food.
I decided not to avail myself of the offer as a heavy meal
at midnight was NOT on my menu.
So it was a bottle of water and a packet of Lays crisps for
a snack as supplied by the airline.
At 01h00 we were informed that checks were still taking
place, and that a departure time would soon be forthcoming. And to give them
credit, it was and it was another hour before we boarded.
Now three hours behind schedule, we took off without ado…but
the “trouble” did not end there, for me anyway.
The seats are small and uncomfortable, with limited legroom.
And to make matters worse there was some sort of box under the seat in front of
me, which meant I could not stretch out and had to bend my legs around the seat
to try and get comfortable.
The TV screen was about the size of a large
smartphone. Not something I wanted to watch a wide screen movie on. I did try,
but the headphones did not fit the socket correctly, hence the sound being
intermittent at best and the picture was reminiscent of an old time silver
nitrate photographic image, due to the
fact that the angle of the screen could not be adjusted correctly…unless I lay
on the floor, and from that angle it was PERFECT
I decided to try and read, b ut lo and behold, the bulkhead
lights were not working!
As for my travelling companions…
To my left a small child who spent most of the night
coughing like he was about to vomit. His parents did not seem to be bothered
and eventually he coughed himself to sleep.
To my right, an Irish born couple, but now living in South
Africa. Both really nice people.
His view on air travel “Fly pissed”.
But the couple that took the prize for the “most annoying”
were the brother and sister double act sitting behind me.
In their mid-fifties, I presumed, they behaved like a couple
of 12-year olds. He talking loudly, and she laughing at everything he said as
if he was the world’s greatest comedian.
My favourite gag of his…The cabin staff asked passengers to
draw the window blinds. “Why”? Asks the sister. “I am not sure” answers the
brother. “It must be a Dutch thing”…DRUMROLL and raucous laughter from them
both. Several glasses of cognac eventually shut them both up.
Sleep did not quiet him, as he snored like a pod of Hippo.
And it all started
again once they woke, with them now discussing their various medications. It
was not that I was eavesdropping, they were speaking loudly. Much like “that”
person having a cell phone conversation at a level that everyone can hear.
Then, there are the “lights on, light off” passengers who do
exactly that for reasons apparent only to themselves.
“And the cabin staff”? I hear you ask. The less said the
better as I have to fly back to South Africa on this airline. HOWEVER, suffice
to say that they would not have been out of place as prison warders…Detached
and efficient but not overly friendly.
Once I have my luggage and am ensconced in my hotel room in
Dublin, I will look back on this part of the trip and laugh, but not right now.
Right now I feel like I am part of one of those “Airplane”
movies and I am waiting for Samuel L Jackson to pop out of the first class
section, shouting something about reptiles.
Slowly the passengers are starting to wake, and as the plane
bumps and jostles its way to Schiphol airport, I can take comfort in the fact
that the flight call sign does not start with MH…
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