Banks...simpler, better, faster? Comment by David Batzofin

 

Why are we so loyal to the banking institutes that we deal with? Do they really care about me, their customer?
                              I REALLY DON'T THINK SO...
Yet we figure it is better to be with devil we know than change,with all of the associated hassle and effort that goes with that....and it exactly that "fear" that they play on...
We complain constantly, but do we ever change? With a few exceptions the answer is a resounding "NO"...
What sparked this for me was an incident that happened to me recently...I am certain that I am not alone in this one...
To quote Sophia from the tv series "The Golden Girls"..."Picture the scene..."
It is early morning (7am to be exact) and I was doing an EFT and as I pushed 'send' I realized that I had sent the money to an incorrect account...
Know that feeling?
To be fair to my bank, the web-site did ask me twice if all was correct...and there is a disclaimer regarding mistakes on the page I was working on...BUT come on! It was an honest mistake...
Try phoning customer services at 7.15...laugh that off...they only open at 8!
The stolen card phone was answered but the operator was unable to help me..."Call your branch when it opens" was the retort.
And as an aside, why do the majority of banks still only open at 9am...or often past 9? Most inconvenient for most customers...
Eventually I was able to get through to customer services(an oxymoron if there ever was one!) only to be told that it was my mistake and there was nothing that could be done.
Except for a service that would cost me R285.00 and would take 20 working days to get my money back...and that was not guaranteed...a whole month!
Seeing I had tried to rectify my mistake within minutes and the money had not yet left my account, surely there must be systems in place to stop that transaction...even if there is a fee involved?
I did go into my branch, which was unable to offer any solutions other that see it as an early payment for the following month.
As I was about to leave, I mentioned in passing to the clerk I was dealing with that what really annoyed me was the fact that a post dated EFT for the same account would be coming off in a few days.
Her face lit up..."That we can stop!" and she explained how...
By stopping that I was able to recoup almost all of the incorrect money...and pay that to the correct recipient!
Yes, we do complain, but sometimes the mistakes are ours...
In the USA banks will offer you household appliances to get you to change, not in SA!
Would you change your bank for a toaster...or should that be out of the frying pan and into the fire?
Today, tomorrow, the future...they will continue annoy and irritate...

We will be taking off in a Westerly direction. Comment by David Batzofin

Airports bother me!

Why is it that the main building is called a terminal? We are already scared before we even get onto the flight.

But that is not the motivation behind this posting…

Recently, for the first time ever I missed a flight and it was the circumstances around that “incident” that has made me put fingers to keyboard (I cannot actually say pen to paper as that does not happen any more. Well certainly not in my office)

So let me unpack the drama…

My wife and I were set to fly to Richards Bay and I, in my wisdom, had decided to use the cheaper (not that it turned out that way) off-site long term parking.

We arrived there in time but then had to wait for the shuttle to get us to the dreaded “terminal” building.

This seemed to take forever as it has three stops before the domestic drop off point.

Needless to say that we arrived at the check-in counter 5 minutes late and no amount of begging would get us past this point.

We were told that there was another flight that was only closing in 20 minutes but this turned out to be full.

So we had to buy new tickets as well as change our car hire as we were now going to fly to Durban and not Richards Bay!

I have to say that the guy at the ticket counter was really helpful (unfortunately I did not get his name) and my wife and I had a good laugh about the whole incident.

We decided that we had not been late for the first flight, merely early for the second. But how early we only realized once we sat down to have something to eat and drink. We had been told that the flight was at 12, a 2-hour wait. It turned out that the flight was only leaving at 3, now 5 hours away! You can only people watch and go to the toilet a finite number of times before the whole exercise becomes really boring. But we took turns to comment on the size of a lot of the passengers…really large and to keep making sure that our flight was not delayed, as several others were.

Eventually our flight was called and we were able to board without much fuss…almost an anti-climax to the morning we had just had!

What did we learn from our extended sojourn at ORT?

1] If you are going to use the long-term parking allow yourself an extra hour

2] Don’t sweat the small stuff…and it’s all small stuff. We missed the flight and that was our fault. There is no reason to get angry with the check-in staff.

3] Talking nicely gets you further than loud words

4] Check the contract on your hire car…we were charged an extra R500.00 for picking the car up in Durban and we were not informed of that

5] King Shaka airport still has teething problems...

5] LAUGH! And we did, lots! I thought I would be stressed by missing the plane, but I was not…maybe I am growing up

But the fun was not over yet!

During the safety briefing we were given, our attention was directed to the fact that the  the plastic cover that you remove to get to the emergency handle (probably worth R50),

once removed had to be placed in the seat pocket before opening the door! 

We all exchanged looks, but our in-flight person was being dead serious!

How can we remember this bit of trivia when we have crashed and there might be fire and smoke?

But, as they say in the TV ads, that was not all.

Nope, we were then quizzed by said in-flight person on what we had just been told! 

A sort of mini pop quiz! 

If we failed, would we have been moved? Could we have re-taken the exam?

And then, just to round off all the fun we were having the captain does his welcome speech…

I DON’T NEED TO KNOW WHICH RUNWAY WE ARE USING OR IN WHICH DIRECTION WE WILL TURN ONCE WE REACH CRUISING ALTITUDE.

Get me up, fly me to my destination and land the plane safely…is that too much to ask?

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The sounds of silence...Comment by David Batzofin

The Sounds of Silence…Simon and Garfunkel sang about it in 1964,but try finding silence in 2008.
Noise surrounds us on a daily basis and we have become so accustomed to it that we don’t even notice it until it gets us annoyed.

Recently I was sitting in a coffee shop enjoying my cappuccino and reading the paper when BANG on came the music at levels that almost made me jump out of my seat. Why did it have to be turned on? No one had complained that there was a lack of music or that it was too quiet. But the staff had decided that they needed some to entertain themselves.
Aside from the actual music, there is the level at which it is played. At a large family restaurant recently it was almost empty on our arrival. The music was playing at a manageable level but as more people arrived, the staff cranked the levels so that the music got louder and louder. My plea to turn the volume down was met with blank stares and looks of disdain. More often than not they pretend that they don’t know where the cd player is or how to turn the volume down. Sometimes I will be lucky enough to find a staff member who can actually reduce the aural pollution …only to have some cretin turn it back up moments later. I have friends who have walked out of restaurants for this very reason.
But is not only while we eat that panpipes or ghastly elevator piano music assails us.
Shopping malls, elevators, supermarkets and even public toilets have Tannoy systems playing music that will keep your teeth on edge. And should you actually be enjoying the music, you can be certain that a “Special on aisle 7” announcement will disrupt your reverie.
What about the music in fast food outlets? I understand that the staff has to listen to something, but should the music not be designed to attract customers? The thumpa-thumpa of a bass beat at near distortion levels is enough to make me head for the nearest exit.
Strangely enough airport terminals do not seem to play music, but the announcements are an aural version of a doctor’s handwriting, totally incomprehensible. Train stations and airports spend billions on upgrades but the sound system seems to come from some second hand stall at a flea market.
How many times have you had the electronic version of “Yellow Rose of Texas” played while waiting for a call to be answered? Only once have I ever asked to be put back on hold as the company was using some great jazz music. But this is the exception rather than the rule.
With everyone seemingly concerned with Global warming and what pollution is going to do to our planet, I think it is time to clear the air and actually be able to have a conversation in a public place.
We have the right to reclaim our silence!

Queue Vadis...Comment by David Batzofin

“We have a problem, please be patient “…” Your call will be transferred to the first available operator”…”All our operators are currently busy”…AARGH!
Do any of these phrases cause you want to reach for medication of some description?
Telephone messages which profess that ” Your call is important to us”, when really what they mean is “We actually don’t care about you, but we will see how long it takes you to hang up” rank along side queuing which causes my blood pressure to soar.
And we stand in queues without a murmur or a complaint, or do we?
Recently at a branch of a well-known bank there was a lengthy, silent queue with only one teller in attendance. ” Simpler, better faster? I don’t think so,” I said loudly. As if by magic the manager appeared. ”Is there a problem?” “What is wrong with this picture?” I asked, pointing to the queue and to the single teller. Only then was the issue addressed while the crowd applauded.
But why do we need to resort to those strategies?
Supermarkets are no better with adequate tills but only two tellers in attendance. When you approach management you are met with a blank stare as if your query is something that needs to be addressed by a decision from head office.
But we as South Africans seem to be an exceedingly patient bunch. And very accepting of the fact that we have to wait while some incompetent behind a till or a counter decides whether or not to serve us or talk to a colleague.
It seems as if Government departments are the worst. Very little signage invariably means that you spend time in the incorrect queue, which you only discover when you reach the staff member, usually sitting behind a thickness of bullet proof glass. The tiny opening cut into this barrier is designed so that your query will not be heard on the first attempt to communicate with said employee. Once your voice has reached a level that only dogs can hear, you are dismissed to another queue and the waiting game starts all over again.
But why not turn this enforced stress test into an opportunity to meet fellow ‘sufferers’?
Seeing that everyone in a queue is in the same predicament it is often easy to strike up a conversation. I have a habit of looking into fellow shoppers’ baskets while standing in the inevitable queue at my local supermarket. Commenting on contents has often started interesting conversations for me and before I know it I have a new best friend and the stress of waiting for a cashier to return from breakfast/lunch or tea does not seem to take forever.
However, I believe that it is time to make our voices heard and to stand up for our consumer rights.
My time is important to me, but I intent to make the most of my queue time to meet and interact with fellow South Africans. “Viva Queues,Viva”!

Hug a sales person...buy retail. Comment by David Batzofin

                                               
Is modern technology trying to make hermits us?
It would seem to be that way!
Slowly but surely our daily interaction with actual retail sales people is being eroded almost as quickly as the icebergs are melting and the ozone is decreasing. The world seems to be very concerned about the latter but not so interested in the former.
It started innocently enough when the banks introduced ATM banking. THEY said would make OUR banking experience easier and faster. In order for them to force us to use the machines they levied a hefty fee on using over the counter banking.
And was it simpler, better or faster? I have my doubts.
Drive all the way to your local ATM to find a sign saying “Sorry out of order” and see how you feel about this miracle of modern technology.
Or lately it seems that if you forget your pin code you can just blow the machine out of the wall and take it home with you!
And don’t forget all the card scams that we have been warned about. I fell prey to this scam when a “helpful” member of the public standing behind me in a queue swapped my card. Luckily they were unable to get my pin number but it cost me money to get a new card. (Should the banks not offer replacement cards for free?)
Actually I do find that using an ATM allows me to draw money when I have to and therefore it works for me.
Several of my friends and colleagues have been doing online shopping that seems to the next step in the evolutionary chain of technology. As I don’t posses a credit card I have never had the need to try this form of shopping.
But for me shopping is a tactile experience and I enjoy seeing and handling the product that I am about to buy. The interaction with the sales staff allows me to get their input on my particular choice. But recently when my bank offered a really good online deal for a LCD TV I decided that it was time for me to try this for myself.
What I experienced was frustration, anger and eventually disappointment. 
Frustration because I was asked for a security number my wife knew nothing about. Anger because the customer care line (“We are experiencing high call volumes and we may take in excess of 10 minutes to answer your call!”) rang for 45 minutes before it was answered. As a result all the units were sold before I could sort out the ‘missing’ security number.
The fact that I was not able to buy online did not really upset me aside from having to stay up until midnight.
It allowed me to go into a couple of chain stores and do some comparative shopping.
Then, having made a choice I was able to pack the tv into my care and bring it home immediately.
Hug a sales person and buy retail

Time to change nappies...could South Africa become a nanny state? Comment by David Batzofin

I recently read a report that cinemas in Britain are going to ban popcorn as it annoys patrons and it makes a mess when spilled. But surely that creates jobs for people who are employed to clean up cinemas after the patrons have left. What might the union say about the fact that their workers might be out of work as a result of such a ban?
And all these years I was under the impression that popcorn was necessary in order to watch a movie…seems as if the popcorn police are going to be making their appearance in the not too distant future (I know that there is at least one well known reviewer who would be glad to see that ban implemented here in South Africa)
But will it end there? I don’t think so. I am in favour of “silent” packaging in either movies or theatres, but to ban popcorn…that is sacrilege.
Many years ago, Coke in the USA changed its formula in order to match that of its biggest competitor. Due to a huge public outcry and threats of mass legal action Coke reverted to their old formula.
Perhaps when and if this type of ban is imposed here, the popcorn munchers should unite and threaten boycott action until the ban is lifted.
But the popcorn is actually a smoke screen for my real rant this week…the banning of incandescent light bulbs in homes and buildings!
And the ban is to be effected immediately. Well not actually as the department concerned had slipped up in a memo and the ban should have been phased in over an indefinite period.
This department also want street lights to be able to be switched off remotely, those that actually work. Never mind the security problems that might cause.
I have no problem with laws or regulations but I draw the line when they dictate what sort of light bulbs I can use.
The “poorest of the poor” will get their light bulbs paid for, but how is that criteria judged and by whom?
The same seems to be true for our new digital TV signal. If you have a regular TV aerial then you will have to buy a decoder to change the signal from analogue to digital. Once again the poor will have their boxes sponsored. By who? The tax payer of course, you and me. Originally these boxes should have cost R400 but because of build in security measures they will now cost R700. Who says that crime does not pay? Perhaps the purchaser should have the option to buy with or without security features?
The more pressing question seems to be will there be yet another ‘commission’   set up to monitor the implementation of all these new systems and laws?
Where will this  “madness” end?
Will new houses only be able to have shower facilities, as baths will be banned as they waste water.
Save water, bath in your Koi pond!

Mechanically speaking...Comment by David Batzofin

                                                 
Do your palms start to sweat when you take your car for a service?
Why do dentists and mechanics evoke similar fear in me?
Perhaps it’s because I have no control over what they are about to do to my prized asset.
I bought my first car from a family member, which turned out to be the wrong thing to do…never buy a car from someone you know unless you have had it properly checked, which I did not.
As it turned out, the car had been in a major accident and was being held together by a large amount of body filler! (But I digress).
The little mechanical knowledge I have I learned form fixing that car!
Many a weekend I would have to change the u-bolts before going out on a date. The grinding steel on steel noise that may be a reason why I never got few second dates!
I sold the car to a backyard mechanic who is probably still driving it.
With modern cars the intricate wiring and computer driven systems usually defy “home repairs”. In fact most manufacturers warranties become void if you attempt repairs at home (These threats are similar the label on a mattress that states” Removal of this label will void your warranty” Why?)
Garages used to be full of calendars of semi-naked women and they smelled like old tyres and dirty oil.
The mechanics used to have oil stained hands and be dressed in an overall that had seen better days.
The modern workshop looks more like a control room at NASA and not an oil stain in sight.
If you take your car to a dealership then it is almost like checking into a hotel…or hospital.
The reception staff is usually very friendly and efficient, but often not mechanically minded.
“Can you describe the noise that your car is making? Is it SCRAAAAAAAPE or  SCREEEEECH?”
You are promised that your car will be ready by a certain time and that if any major repairs are required you will be called before they are undertaken. And we believe that this will happen, how gullible we have become!
No matter what time your car was meant to be ready, it will always be in the wash bay when you call.
When you eventually arrive to collect your vehicle you are handed an invoice which invariably includes an amount for “consumables”, which turns out to be rags and hand cleaner or something similar. Like paying for swabs in an operating theatre.
Shiny, pine-scented and hopefully repaired, you reclaim your car and on the floor you find ‘your’ old parts. But are they? And what do they really prove?
In the workshop is a bin full of old parts and as a car leaves a random selection are put in. Again much like your surgeon handing you “your” appendix in a bottle.
So, if you find an honest mechanic treat him with respect…he is worth his weight in sparkplugs!

Looking for love in all the wrong places...Comment by David Batzofin

It seems as if the movie version of “Sex in the City” is as important as the landing of the NASA probe on Mars. In fact it seems as if the movie has received more press interest than the possible dawning of a new era in space travel.
I believe that SJP has 83 costume changes in the movie and seems to spend the rest of her time deciding on shoes or holidays!
With the HIV Aids pandemic in Africa, is there still sex in our city? I am not really sure about the city, but there certainly is in the suburbs.
Driving down Oxford Road recently, I counted no fewer than 22 “ladies of the night” .I would have thought they would have closed up shop or at least found somewhere warm to ply their trade.
And what of the men who stop to buy what they are selling? Does a quick tryst in the back seat of their expensive cars warrant the death sentence that they may get for being careless?
 Like Amsterdam, should Johannesburg not consider a controlled red light district? At least clients would be assured that their hour/night of passion would be only that and not carry a lasting reminder.
With the 2010 Soccer World Cup getting closer, there is going to be an expected influx of foreign sex workers. Might this not encourage another wave of xenophobia? But I am sure that there will be work for all, but it needs to be controlled for both financial and health reasons.
I would like to be a fly on the wall at passport control at O.R Tambo International when the first contingent flies in. I wonder what occupation they will put in their passports.
But all that aside, it seems as if the sex in the suburbs has taken a new direction. When the ban on adult entertainment was lifted some 15 years ago, every corner had a sex shop which was usually run by some seedy looking character who should be on a Most Wanted poster. Badly lit and with strangely coloured walls a visit to these premises almost required a visit to a doctor afterwards just to make sure that nothing had been contracted whilst browsing.
For research purpose I visited the adult shop in my suburb and was surprised to find that not only was it run by an attractive women, it was like visiting a combination bookstore/hardware emporium. I am still not sure what some of the devices that I saw are capable of and I was too embarrassed to ask. But the range of books and DVD’S certainly left nothing to the imagination.
If you are leery of visiting such a store, you might bump into someone you know, then there is always the Internet! Thousands of web sites offer “safe” sexual encounters that will surprise even the most liberal mind. Again, for research purposes I visited some of the more daring on offer, but like the magazines that we all hid from our parents, it’s just a variation on a theme. And the images tend to get boring and repetitive.
So yes there is sex in our city, but beware of looking for love in all the wrong places.

T is for...Taxi. Comment by David Batzofin

‘T’ is for traffic and also for Taxi. These insidious vehicles seem to be the cause of most of frustration that drivers experience, both in our cities and out on the open road.

However they are no longer my primary source of road rage.

Why? Because with a mini-bus taxi you know exactly what to expect. They stop without indication, change lanes without indication, they travel at high speed and the favourite past time of these cowboys of the highway, not stopping for anything, except passengers!

Currently its the drivers in expensive luxury German cars that have me inventing new expletives.

Can it be that indicators are optional extras on these vehicles? Or are they only operational once the drivers have turned? And if they are present, it seems that they only work for a nano-second. Are the owners trying to save on replacement light bulbs?

Why is that most drivers refuse to switch their headlights on as dusk approaches? With winter evenings getting darker earlier, it is sometimes impossible to make out the shapes in the darkness(because more often than not, the street lights are not working).I think that some drivers believe that if they keep their lights off, Eskom will not have to load shed…and that is just a load of shed. My driving instructor’s mantra was “Sun gone, lights on”. Now its “Don’t turn your lights on and hijackers won’t be able to spot you”.

But that is not all folks.

It seems that everyone is still flouting the law and talking on cell phones irrespective of what they are driving. I spotted a driver recently with a cigarette in one hand and talking on his phone with the other. And he was driving in rush hour traffic. Personally I don’t really care if he has an accident, but invariably some innocent party is killed, injured or maimed because of idiots like this.

And what about drivers who fully recline their seat and try to drive from the rear of the car? Usually accompanied by VERY loud distorted music. And don’t get me started on smokers who flick their cigarettes out of the window. Do they think that the ashtray is for small change or are they too lazy to actually change hands and put the cigarette into it? Perhaps the salesman forgot to mention the actual purpose of this accessory when he sold them the car.

But the pinnacle of road stupidity has to go to drivers who insist on hogging the centre lane. Unlike the “hooting and lights flicked in your rear view mirror” driver trying to pass you while you do the maximum speed in the fast lane, these drivers do not budge for ANYTHING. If and when they do move you can bet that it will be without indication and when you least expect it.

“R” is for road rage and for Relaxation.

I suggest that you practice the latter.

Why? Because, like paying your TV license, it’s the right thing to do.

Who is the Boss...Comment by David Batzofin

My boss is a real hard arse, however I continue to work for him.
”Why?” I hear you ask
It’s difficult to get away from him or leave his company because as a freelancer in the entertainment industry, my boss is actually ME!
Well not really but I do like to think so.
I have the freedom to choose the work I want to do, but the downside is that I am on my bank managers speed dial list.
When “private number” appears on my cell phone, I let it go to voice mail.
Any voice mail message that contains the line “Please will you contact Mrs.X” usually means that money needs to change hands.
I have learned that ProNutro is not specifically a breakfast food and peanut butter contains several of the major food groups and when all else fails cold pizza makes a great breakfast.
As a freelancer I have worked with international celebrities and I have travelled both locally and internationally while doing work that I enjoy, and get paid for.
There has been the odd occasion when I have worked for companies that have balked at paying me after an event or taken it has taken me weeks or months to get paid.
But the real reason behind my “rant” is companies who manage by fear, especially in today’s uncertain economic climate.
I did the “ corporate” thing before I went into the entertainment industry and wore a suit and tie to work every day. (One day I will find the person who invented the tie and I will join the queue of men who want to kill him, or perhaps it was her?)
I have worked for C.E.O’s who have great management skills and who are able to motivate their staff by praise and lead by example and then are those at the other end of the scale.
These are often middle managers that often find themselves promoted and cannot deal with the responsibility, but they don’t want to be seen as such.
In order to hid this failing they often resort to scare tactics and perhaps even intimidation.
Then there are bosses left over from the ‘previous regime’ that still believe that it is their right to rule and control by threatening their staff with warnings and final notices should targets, real or perceived not be reached.
I suppose that they still have a place in certain economic sectors, but I hope that one day they will come to realise that they will have to move with the times and eventually change their style or find themselves and their companies on the scrap heap of the past.
I believe that men have it easier than women do, as we are not prey to certain forms of harassment…unless you are Michael Douglas and your boss is Demi Moore. But how many of us are that lucky?
So I continue to work for myself, why? Because I never have to ask for leave.

The winner takes it all...Comment by David Batzofin

I won a R750000 Mercedes sports car this week! I really did…well that is what the sms message on my phone told me. I had won it at a German motor show that I never attended and to collect my prize all I had to do was call a number in Kenya!
I had a cousin and his entire family killed in the Twin Towers bombing in 2001.He had left me his entire fortune and to collect that I needed to urgently contact a number in Nigeria and on payment of a “fee” the money would be transferred into my account. Number 419 is the Nigerian law that prohibits this type of scam!
I usually delete these emails without reading them, but every now and then I wonder if it might be true that I have won £7m in some Lotto to which I never bought a ticket. There is always that flicker of hope…
So, truth be told, I don’t really have the car or my non-existent cousins money.
However there are many people both locally and internationally who are caught in theses sort of scams, and they usually do not end well for the participants. Trust me, there are no free lunches.
How many of us have given money to women with crying babies saying that they need money for nappies or milk?
Or the breathless young woman in a car park to ask for me help with petrol money, and she did this twice on the same day!
A man who said that he had just been released from prison and needed train money to get home to Germiston stopped me in downtown Jozi. The next day he accosted me again and told me the very same story…when I asked him if he had spent the previous night in goal he became abusive. Do these con-artists not remember whom they approach?
But in a perverse way you have to admire the capacity they have to invent stories.
There was a woman in the Northern suburbs who would be seen plying her “craft” in mall car parks however once she saw that she had been mentioned in the local papers, she disappeared and then re-surfaced a few months later in a different suburb with a slightly altered story.
You have to admire her tenacity.
Can this untapped creativity not be harnessed and used for the betterment of the people concerned?
I recently noticed a harassed looking man at a robot with a broken fan belt in one hand and a set of car keys in the other. Using these ‘props’ to explain his predicament he tried to elicit money from motorists.
I did feel sorry for him the first time I saw him, but when he was there the second day I realized what his scam was.
These people and their stories are part of the rich tapestry of Jozi.
Applaud their ingenuity, but remember… If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it’s a duck!